Networking

Hello Fabulous Women!

Talk about your buzz words – networking is it. It is in.  In today’s business world, one thing all the experts seem to agree about is that to successfully build and grow a business, you need to become a powerful and effective networker.

So what does that mean?  Well, first of all, we know that just because networking is the buzz word of today doesn’t mean it’s anything new.  Successful people have always networked, making connections and building relationships with people to create and grow businesses and organizations – not to mention communities, nations and empires! 

The most important aspect of successful networking is that it is about building relationships.  And relationships are built and are strong only when there is mutual respect and interest and a genuine intention on both sides to benefit the other person. 

We all know what it’s like to have someone talking to us and be left with the feeling that the other person was only interested in benefiting themselves, wasn’t truly interested in us at all.  And if we are honest with ourselves, we probably can all think of one or two (or more!) times when we were that obnoxious person – a time when we were under pressure, focused on our own problems or needs or insecurities.  And because of that, the person we were talking to was left feeling ignored, disrespected, pressured or maybe manipulated.  It’s uncomfortable to feel that way yourself, and perhaps even more uncomfortable to realize that you actually left someone feeling like that.  

In coaching women to build their businesses, networking is one of the topics we talk about and I’ve found that a lot of us lack confidence in our networking skills.  It’s an area where many feel insecure, worried that we will make the wrong impression, won’t be able to express ourselves well, and so forth. 

What matters most in networking is not what we say about ourselves, but what questions we ask about others and how well we listen.  The person who is genuinely interested in what you do and think and feel and is looking and listening for ways to help you is someone you want to get to know, and someone you in turn will be interested in working with and benefiting.

The catch is that it does need to be genuine, and let’s face it, we aren’t equally interested in and drawn to everyone we meet.  Yet with all the emphasis on the importance of networking, some people have gotten it in their heads that they need to network with and be interested in just about everyone, and that’s just not possible. 

So we are caught in this weird dynamic, where we have a commitment to building our business, and we know that networking is an important part of doing that, so we know that we have an intention to benefit ourselves, but we also know that to be an effective networker, we need to be genuinely interested in and able to benefit others. 

While there is nothing wrong or strange with having intentions to benefit both ourselves and others, somehow in the moment it gets uncomfortable. We start to feel as though we are being fake, or are worried that the other person will think we are only pretending to be interested in them, and we hold back, we stop listening to the person in front of us because instead we are listening to the voice in our heads that’s worried about how we are coming across.  And since people know when we are not really listening to them, we end up creating exactly that impression we are most concerned with avoiding!

Does any of this sound familiar?

I don’t know if some people are just so comfortable with themselves and their own intentions that they never have to deal with this stuff, but I know I sure do.  I went to a networking event a couple of weeks ago and I watched myself go in and out of being comfortable, sometimes just connecting with some great women, getting to know them and letting them get to know me, and other times getting inside my head, worried about what to say and how I was coming across.  In and out, in and out, comfortable and connecting, then uncomfortable and in my head, back and forth.

I don’t know what other people do to get themselves out of that crazy dance, but I can tell you the one thing that works for me is this – listening. 

Not to the voice in my head! 

Listening to the person in front of me. 

It’s so simple, but it works every time.  If I am actually listening to the person in front of me, all that focus on and worry about myself goes away.  And the best way to get myself listening is to ask questions – interesting questions.

If I only ask someone what they do, let’s face it, they’ve been asked that a lot, they may be tired of describing their job or business, they may be worried about how they are coming across – they may have a similar voice in their own head telling them they haven’t worked hard enough on their “elevator speech.”  Also, what they do may not be something that I’m actually interested in, so then I’m left listening to something that isn’t all that interesting to me and thinking I’m supposed to pretend it is — and that same crazy dance starts again!

I like the results I get when I ask a different kind of question.  For example, I like to ask people, “What do you like the most about what you do?”  Or “What do you love about your business?”  Or “What goals do you have for your business/job, and what excites you the most about them?”

People are not used to being asked those questions!  They have to think a bit, and I find that the answers to those kinds of questions are always interesting to me, even if the actual job or business the person has is not.  So I don’t feel like I have to pretend anything, because I really am interested in what they have to say.  I always find people’s passions and goals and dreams intriguing, and people are just a lot more fun when they are talking about what they love and are excited about.

How about you?  Do you have any especially great questions you like to ask or networking tips you’d like to share?  What gets you out of your head and into the conversation?  What’s the most effective networking you have done and how was that different from other times when it didn’t go so well? 

I’d love to hear about it!

Have a great week, and go ahead, ask someone a question you wouldn’t normally ask, like “What do you like the most about what you do?” and see what kind of conversation comes out of that.  Who knows what kind of networking opportunity you may create — to benefit both of you!